I am guilty.
I am guilty of neglecting this place where my thoughts are drawn. I’ve also been neglecting the photo-a-week project I set out to do. I’m terrible.
I’m doing great! I’ve started school again and have been pretty busy (and sleep deprived) balancing everything from spending time with Trina, attending to little Leo, keeping a 96% average in school, and everything else that life demands. Ariel and I chat just about every day (thank God for the Air Force!) so it’s almost as if he’s just at work only half an hour drive away.
I’ve managed to stay strong this far. We’re just about a third of the way through and I haven’t cried once. Maybe it’s because I have so much going on that my mind and body is always running about but I haven’t hugged myself crying in a corner yet. haha! I am reminded of him every day though. His razor still hangs in the shower, his toiletries still on the dresser, his winter gloves and hat still tucked away in the car, his coolers in the backyard, and the weather that demands BBQ all whisper his missing presence. Sometimes I catch myself feeling alone and really, really small. I daydream from time to time and I can picture him vividly enough that it almost feels like he never left. It also helps that we chat like we’ve always done.
A third of the way through.
I learned something about myself though. I always feared that I had become too comfortable and the part of me that survived through pre-Ariel times was long gone. I mean, I shudder at everything I went through and the girl that I was. I was a pretty tough little thing that was difficult to break down. Very stupid, but tough. Point is, she’s still here somewhere. A lot less stupid thank God, but I’m still pretty tough!
I hear Leo squealing. My time here is up folks! Until next time.. :)